Leaving Adjourned

It seems like my departure for New York will be moved to a later date, or even worse, be halted completely. The conversations I had with my father over lunch concerning the financial implications of my trip to New York wasn't over. Again he pointed out the expense and the ludicrousness of my trip. There's no point in leaving if I was going to come back in four months. I was just going to waste his money.

I pointed out that before I started the process of verifying my documents and enrolling to a review center for the upcoming state boards, I asked for his approval. I asked for approval before asking for 50,000 pesos to process my documents. I asked for his approval before i devoted the past 1 year of my life to making the necessary preparations for New York. That's 1 year of not working, 1 year of processing documents, 1 year of studying for the exam. Why should i be chastised for something that my dad approved of in the beginning.

I pointed out my frustrations to him. I expressed my anger. Why just now? Why now when I'm about to leave? We should have had this conversation a year ago. But that's where i was wrong. I was wrong to express my dissatisfaction with his decisions. I was wrong to express anything. It's a cultural thing. The Filipino culture that parents are always right. As long as you are living in your parents house, your opinions are limited to either agreeing or neutral.

Don't get me wrong though, I do want to be a Pilot. I would forgo New York if it means i can be a pilot here in Manila. He pointed out that I should just stay here and wait for an opening at PAL aviation school instead of going to New York. He made a couple of of calls to people who, turns out, can pull strings to make my being a pilot easier.

That just made me angrier. Again, he should have made those calls a year ago! If I back out from New York now, then all my efforts for the past year would be for nothing.

Looks like my departure is being threatened to be cancelled. I hope things turn out for the best, whatever the best is.

Parents are always right, even if they are wrong

As the date of my departure approaches, my father is becoming more and more concerned about my leaving. After all, I am not just leaving his house, I am leaving this country. My father is going send me to New York, by myself. It will be like diving into a pool for the first time, except i will be wearing a blindfold and I wouldn't know whether the pool has water or not. I guess that's New York for you.

Let me give you a brief background of my plan for the next half a year. I will go to New York, get my license as a physiotherapist and find work. I will work in New York for the next 4 or 5 months, after which i may come back to Manila to enroll for Philippine Airlines' (PAL) aviation school. Yes, I am an aspiring pilot. Unfortunately with the current status of the economy in this country and the global recession, airlines need more passengers than they needs pilot. Thus i used the words "may come back," since my future will depend whether or not PAL will need pilots.

We were discussing the progress of my departure over Lunch. Currently I'm in the process of verifying my credentials and my eligibility to work abroad. The process where in New York makes sure i didn't graduate from Quiapo, the country's capital for fake diplomas. The gravity of my impending departure may just have dawned onto my dad, because now he is more concerned and less encouraging than he used to be. He used to be all for New York and starting my career, but now he's telling me that I did not plan well. He might now have said it directly, but i sensed that he was having second thoughts of sending me to New York due to the financial implications of the trip. There was a displeased undertone in my voice and I made sure my dad noticed it.

I know that this trip isn't a joke. With the airfare, food, hotel/motel accommodations and exam fees, my decision to move to New York is all but cheap. I was aware of this and I made sure that my parents were also aware of this even before i started the process of leaving. I even quoted a price of 150,000 to 200,000 pesos to my parents and asked them whether they are fine with shouldering the expenses. I also asked my dad if he was OK with the fact that after all that expense, I may end up going back to Manila for Flying school. He used to be ok with that idea, but i guess now he's not.

Aside from the obvious financial implications, my dad also pointed out how my plan was flawed. All I planned for was going to the states, but I was not able to plan where I would be staying, how I would find work and how I was going to convert my visa to a working visa. My dad had a point, but I wanted to raise my voice and say "I'm sorry but I just don't plan 5 months in advance." Seriously, who does that? I know that these plans are integral to the success of my life in New York, and I'll get to that, just not now.

Last but not the least, My dad said I should be open to the possibility of just staying in Manila and work as a physiotherapist here while waiting for PAL. Or i could try becoming a Flight attendant for the mean time.

NO F-ing WAY! I am not going to work as a physiotherapist here in Manila, do an 8 to 5, Monday to Saturday and earn 150 dollars a month. let me repeat that, EARN 150 DOLLARS A MONTH! And no offense to the flight attendants out there but i just can't imagine myself serving coffee or tea. Besides, being a gay and being a flight attendant just seems too redundant.

I know my dad has valid reasons for being so concerned and having second thoughts, but he should have expressed it BEFORE i started with the process of leaving. Not now, when we've already spent 50,000 pesos and I'm already enrolled in a review class.

In my opinion, It's too late to back out. I'm already on the edge of the diving board, the only thing left to do is jump right in. To plan is to remove my blindfold, but to go to New York is to not look down to check whether the pool has water. You'll just never know whether you're diving into an empty pool.

The conversation ended with my dad calling an auntie Babylyn in New York. what? I suddenly have aunties in New York? In an instead I had uncles and aunties in Long island and where-ever. With names I never heard of and relationships like tongue twisters. My dad's cousin's uncle's auntie's pet cat... wait you lost me.

Now, with the recent conversation with my dad, I feel more unsure than ever. Should I really go to New York?