spoon full of sugar makes the medicine go down

I needed more than a spoon of sugar to swallow what i was about to do to my boyfriend. I needed Three cups in fact. Three cups of sonja's cupcakes to swallow my medicine. B and i were walking at Serendra that day, and a beautiful day it was to break his heart. It was bound to happen anyway. We both saw it coming, we both understand why and we both knew it was the right thing to do.

He asked me what was going to happen to "us" when i moved away. I said "we're gonna break up." Those were the exact and the only words i said to him. Now my conscience is killing me for being so cold. Even though we both are non believers in long distance relationships, I lacked the euphemism that the moment required to make things sink in a little bit smoothly. He has always disliked this side of me, my being stoic and cold at times. I've always had this attitude of keeping all my emotions inside in the fear of looking vulnerable. I'm sorry that i hurt you B, I don't even know how to explain what I'm feeling inside. It's like I'm passing kidney stones. From what I've heard its excruciating.

I guess i have just gone through what most people wouldn't even think of. Who does that? Who plan's a break up in while still so in love? I could say that it's just one of the many obligations of moving away. When you leave, you have to sever some of the bonds that tie you to your previous life. Most bonds are easily ended with goodbye's, but there are some that are particularly difficult. Particularly painful. But it's just something that you have to do so you won't leave people hanging.

I downed those three cupcakes faster than a PE. But it seems like all this sinful sweetness in my mouth wasn't enough to mask all the sorrow of the moment.